Okay, no matter how much I swear I'm never returning to this topic, I can't help myself. So yeah, here goes again...

Odds are most of the people reading this won't know what the hell I'm talking about... to those people, go read this entry. I'm ranting about my high school experience, how we were promised so much more, and how we were time and time again screwed over, abused, lied to, and crushed.

As I briefly ranted about in my Graduation entry a week ago, there is nothing left of the Academy.
At graduation... it sickens me how we weren't acknowledged. MHS, like it or not (and this will sound arrogant, but it really isn't), a large part of your academic strength is due to us. We give you test scores (100% of Academy students pass the AIMs, most excell in all categories). We give you AP classes (without us, you wouldn't have critical mass for many of your APs). We give you national merit scholars (so far, in the two years I've paid attention, ONE MHS STUDENT HAS BEEN A NATIONAL MERIT FINALIST... but you can report that you have many because Academy students often get National Merit status, and most become finalists). We give you our abilities (just about every PPA student is involved in the fine arts... and I've heard teachers say that Academy students are among the best art students).
We didn't even take away from your students... we didn't "steal" any money from you (contrary to belief). We didn't even steal your ranks since Academy students weren't ranked.
We took so little... and gave you so much.
You give us nothing.
You can't give us a couple lines of print in the graduation program.
You can't give us any acknowledgement in speeches.
You can't even give us friendship.
What we do get is animosity. Hatred. Anger. Verbal abuse. So many people hurt... so much anger... and all for what?

Now that the class of '05 is gone, there's no more point in pretending. The Academy is dead. It has been dead. There is no longer anyone to continue to do what is needed to keep it going. To all you '06ers, no offense, but you don't really know the Academy. You weren't there the first year. I don't know what you were promised, but I'm sure it was a lot more... modest than what we were promised.

But, in any case, not even you got what you were promised, did you? The Academy has become a school of screwing over people. Case in point: grades. Every single Academy student could easily get As in honors or regular classes, but they instead chose to take Academy level courses. Result: lower grades (Bs and Cs). Not only does this cause problems for the typical-Asian student from their typical-Asian parent, but it also screws people over in college searches.

Promise one: Academy coursework will be reflected in your transcript. All transcripts sent will have a letter explaining what the Academy is and the level of work required. This will guarantee no student is at a disadvantage from lower grades in Academy courses.
Reality: Nothing. No letter, not even a blurb. Academy classes, as far as colleges know, are honors classes.

Promise two: The Academy will grow into a self-sustaining school for gifted students.
Reality: This "school" has turned into a "program," and this "program" has died a long and horrible death.

Promise three: We will get four years.
Reality: This was promised to the class of '05ers. You can say "technically, we did" all you want, but you can't deny that we only got one year... two at most. At least in the way the Academy was intended to be.

Promise four: Academy students will recieve laptops.
Reality: Gone since the first year, yet people will never let sleeping dogs lie, and always bring this up as how the Academy is unequal...

Promise five: The Academy will have small, conference-style classes.
Reality: Nope. Regular classrooms. Sure, the class average was smaller than regular, but they're the same size as honors classes. No difference there.

Promise six: There will be a strong partnership with ASU (hence the original name, UPA: University Partnership Academy).
Reality: The only thing I saw this got us was easier admission into ASU. The ASU classes for credit thing is a MHS thing, not PPA.

Promise seven: The Academy will have its own building
Reality: We did (kinda)... for a year. Then it was slowly taken over.

Promise eight: There will be a lounge for Academt students.
Reality: Does anyone see such a place? Even the back of the unit, our makeshift lunching place, was closed.

Promise nine: We have support at the district level.
Reality: If by support you mean a superintendent who lies to students to bring about animosity and our hopeful demise... and countless budget cuts... and people who twist and turn school board decisions into a death sentence for the Academy... then yes, we have support.

Promise ten: The Academy will be stable.
Reality: Don't get me started...

Promise eleven: Students will have an equal role to parents and teachers in determining things.
Reality: Once again.... don't get me started.

So much lost... not very much gained. Friendship. That's really it, for most people. At least animosity at MHS is dying down, as our incoming classes are absorbed and become MHS. There's nothing left.

The classes... they're gone. I've heard so many times from so many people how classes this year sucked. They sucked last year too. Were bad the year before that. What happened to our specialized curriculum? It existed... briefly. And then nothing.

So yeah, what was the ultimate cost of the Academy, besides four years of our tears and hard work to keep hope alive? Besides our old friendships? Besides a small chunk, albeit a significant one, of our futures?
I don't know. But whatever it was, I still don't think we should have been forced to pay that price.

So the big question: If I could do things again, would I still have attended?
A big resounding yes. Not for the classes (they were hell). Not for the fighting (I never want to hear about school politics again). Not for the experience (the bad far outweighed the good). For the friends. For the people I met. For the opportunities it gave me to grow. Where else would I have been able to start a yearbook... a card game... work on the school website for three years...
Personally, I know I got a lot out of it.

Maybe Akshat is right and the Academy never could have existed. Then it should not have. Or, at the very least, enrollment should have been closed, and the existing students given what they were promised. Pushing more and more students through... throwing more and more innocent people into this torture... I wouldn't wish some of my experiences through high school on anyone... so why are they still forcing young people, so willing to take a risk on such a "program," to suffer so?

Maybe that's the problem... the people in charge of our well being didn't... and don't... know what they're protecting.
Mrs. Boles, I'm sure you had our best interests in mind, but everything is, in a way, your fault. Your proposal. The proposal you presented without concensus from the community. AGAINST many of the students. You "ensured" our survival... but for what? We were all blinded at the time by our need to "save the Academy!" But what were we saving? Looking back, it was time to let go. They should have shut us down. At least, that way, no one else would have to suffer.

So maybe we were too willing to concede. Give away bits and pieces for our survival... not realizing those bits and pieces were what we needed to protect. The people agreeing with the plan... mostly parents of freshmen and sophomores... people who didn't know what the Academy had the potential to be... I don't know. There's nothing we can do now but, given the chance, I would go back and sit with Mrs. Boles and convince her to abandon the proposal.

So what's the point of this entry?
Like most of my rants, I don't think it really has a point.
I'm just angry at the powers that be that fought so long and hard against our right to an education... against our right to exist. I'm angry at the people that should have been there to support us, but instead turned away at our moment of greatest need. I'm angry at myself for being seduced into this place years ago... how young and naive I was... believing all the lies they fed me.

So I guess that's all I have left. Some opportunities and experiences I gained, the friendships I developed... and angry sorrow.

What a shame.

Controversy time, and a lot of people will disagree with me:
Why are schools legally required to provide child care for severely handicapped students?
Law requires schools to provide an EDUCATION. Yet, for some students, they simply cannot learn. They go through every day in a bed, watching TV. Cared for by personal nurses and trained professionals. These people aren't teachers. Yet their salary, and all of the equipment for these kids, are paid for by the government... all in the name of education.

Personally, I disagree with this. I think it's a waste of money... if parents are going to send their kids to school, then they need to come to learn. Sending a kid to school to be baby sat with government funds is wrong, and unfair to other students.

This is not to say I disagree with Special Education. Many kids CAN learn, but are simply slower. To these people, I say good for them. Fund them. Compadre is a great idea. So are specialized teachers that can reach them. Teach them. Even if they don't learn as much as the regular high schooler, it was worth the money.

But to the kids that simply cannot learn... WHY?!? I've been inside the building for the "special" kids. They have their own building. They have huge facilities. They have tons of staff seeing to their every need. They have all the equipment they could ever need. The place looks more like a hospital than a school.

Now, my question to people is... if you can afford this... paying to take care of kids who will never learn anything... paying for care givers, not teachers... paying for everything BUT an education... why can't you afford a program like the Academy... to take care of kids who CAN learn? Who WANT to learn? All the money put into special education yields very little results, especially at the far end. The same money put into the other end of special ed (the gifted end) could yield very different results.

If you can afford to pay so much for some kids, why can't you afford to pay so much less for others? If you can afford to pay for medical care for students who will never learn, why can't you afford to pay for teachers and facilities for students who WANT to learn? If you can afford to provide so much for certain students, why can you provide nothing for others?

Many people will disagree with me. That's ok. My opinion is that the far end of special ed (kids who are, by all definitions of the word, retarded) needs to be cut. Totally. There is no reason taxpayers should be paying for specialized childcare for parents. And, in doing so, the remaining 99.9% of students (not just other special ed students) needs to be better funded. Not just gifted students... regular students who are forced to sit through 40 and 50 student classes... people who can't get money to hire new teachers or make necessary repairs...

I'm sure people will ask me then: where to draw the line? Where do you cut people off and not give them an education?
My response: You don't draw one. You give every single person who wants one an EDUCATION. Medical supplies as needed are provided by the parents. Every student can come to school, where they will work with TEACHERS to try and learn. If they can't, well, they can come anyway. They'll just never accomplish anything (and the parent would be dumb to keep bringing them). If they can't come because they need special medical care, then tough. That is not the government's responsibility to fund their needs. You give everyone an education, what you don't give is child care.

And if you disagree with that, answer this:
Why does no one fight against Compadre, but many fight against the Academy? They are equal opposites. One services the needy lower end, one the upper.

This could lead into another tangent about standardized testing and Bush's stupid "No Child Left Behind," but I'll spare you.

Please, by all means, post comments.

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Edit: Fixed, Janel. Thanks. Still... my point is MHS greatly benefits from our presence. '04 had 4 finalists (all PPA, except for one who was half PPA, half MHS). Out of a senior class of 16, that's amazing.

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Edit edit:
The comment I posted got too long, and so I'm appending it here instead.

Regardless of what we DESERVE (which, by opinion, seems to be nothing), we weren't given what we PROMISED (not even a tiny bit of it, as it turns out), and that's really the issue I'm mad about. If I went off on another tangent, that was in the spur of the moment. So people who do better don't deserve more? Why then are rankings so important? Because those people get scholarships. Why are test scores so important? Because those determine the money the district gets. Why does it mean so much to be valedictorian? Because the prestige and money it gets you. I'm not saying we're better people, I'm just saying that honors kids get special recognition. Why don't we? They have honor roll. They have graduation with honors. They get awards and whatnot. We get none of it. So people who do better don't deserve more? All those honors should be elimated then. Regardless of whether we ARE better or not, the district certainly values talented students more. So, I guess bottom line... MHS makes such a big deal of THEIR honors students, as does every other school in the district. It's kinda unfair that they totally ignore us. "Why exactly are they supposed to appreciate you? There is no damn reason." Because our accomplishments count at McClintock accomplishments, and those accomplishments are looked upon favorably by the government (and non-district peoples) when it comes to funding, placement, etc. National Merit is a big deal. Look on the TUHSD website. Each school proudly declares how many finalists and semifinalists it has (although the info IS a few years out of date). Like it or not, admit it or not, the things we do affect McClintock positively. I'm not being arrogant, that's just how things work. And even if we don't deserve more for being smart, we deserve more for having put our futures on the line for the Academy. I joined the Academy its first year. We gave up our friends and put our hope in a program that had never existed. This was under the assumption that the program would be DIFFERENT than regular school... this was under the assumption that we WOULD get more. That's why I'm mad... I don't feel that being smart makes you deserve more. I just feel that, because we were promised more, we should have gotten some of it... something... anything. Still think being smart doesn't mean you should get more? The law requires that gifted students recieve education above the regular education system... so the law certainly seems to think being smart should result in more. Other schools have gifted programs... and THOSE gifted programs are applauded, and seen as necessities (certainly, no one would think of shutting THEM down). Tell me... if we shouldn't get more for being smart, why should everyone else? "People simply don't like to be told 'I am better than all the rest of you and you better thank me for it!'" I don't think I'm better than anyone. I have great respect for the people who have to try in school, because their Bs and Cs are great accomplishments (I'm feeling the same way in college). I guess I come off as arrogant sometimes, but I don't want to... "gifted" and "smart" are labels that were assigned to be long ago, and that the district reassigned after the honors exam before high school started. I didn't ask for them. Maybe it isn't as much US telling people that we're better than them as the district. I mean, the district MUST think we're better since they labeled us and gave us privleges such as access to gifted programs (not just PPA, but around the district) and whatnot. Or, at the very least, they feel we deserve more (regardless of whether this is due to law or personal feeling). I'll admit though, that was the aura that PPA gave off. Honestly, I have no idea how we could have changed that... the very fact that we were CREATED to be unequal (that WAS the purpose) means that we'd always give off the impression that "I'm better than you," and our fight for our survival (stealing away "their" money) would naturally lead to "you'd better thank me for it" I don't want to be thanked for being smart. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't smart (it adds so much stress). I want to get what they promised us, or at least get the same recognition that other students recieve for the same accomplishments. I DON'T want to be looked down upon for being smart, but that's how things turned out (and what it sounds like you're saying now). Okay, so the Academy wasn't feasable in its original form. Then they should have admitted so and given us options instead of making cuts and starving us. I would have preferred PPA be closed the second (or third) year because, in Vicki's words, at least I'd have known what to do. Why do I still care? I'm not sure. Maybe because PPA was such a big part of my life... The three years I spent there were spent dedicating myself to the "program" and what I saw in it. And maybe this entry just came about because I was reading through old entries and found the other one :-P Yes, I know the government funds daycare, but that's different. There is a difference between daycare and medical care. Daycare is for small children so parents can work or attend school. That money is being put to use. Special ed programs are for kids who are supposed to be in school but are unable to learn. That money is being wasted. And, in many ways, daycare is like school in that kids learn valuable social and basic skills (similar to what kindergarten is for). At the very least, the government-sponsered daycare I've seen resembles school more than special ed "classrooms." Heck, they resemble classrooms for the learning-disabled (which, in turn, resemble kindergarten classrooms). I have no problems with this, since the kids ARE learning (albeit slowly, but that's their own pace, so its ok). Education funds are going toward their purpose: education.

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Edit edit edit:
"You just come off as snobbish and elitist in much of it. The attitude, rather than the details, got to me the most."
That DEFINETLY was not my intent. I really, really, really wish I had a better way with words.
I guess the entire point of this entry was to complain about the way we had been treated, not to say that we were better than everyone else (but I did use that to argue my case).
Bleah, there I go again. I'll shut up now.
Vicki, why can't I be good with words like you? I always come off in a different way that I intend, like when I talk with you and I always end up pissing you off when I don't mean to :-P

"Hmm...your post does seem rather elistist, because honestly most of your points just seem...I dunno... I can tell that wasn't your intent. but it does reveal what seems to be an underlying opinion that you're too good for the school."
Yeah, that wasn't my intent.
I don't feel I'm too good for McClintock (in fact, I would have gone there had the Academy been shut down).
However, I DO hold a grudge against McClintock students for what I experienced from them emotionally.
I don't think I'm "better" or "too good" for them...

...do I really come off that way?

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