Introspection! Shows excitement! And emotion!
Set apart from the sentence by an exclamation point! Or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong.
...
Wow, that's a bad pun. Almost as bad as my bagger bagger bagger mushroom.
Um, yeah, anyway.
Today it occured to me that I havn't really used my camera that much lately.
This weekend when I had a bagger, I barely took any pictures. And I've taken my camera to class only once in the past almost-four weeks.
This leads me to contemplate reasons behind it. First off, I think I've been hiding behind my camera for a while. Or forever. With it, I'm more outgoing. I'm more assertive. I mean, I take pictures of people I don't know and laugh off people getting mad at me (whether this is good or bad is not the issue :-P). I have an excuse for talking to people, or for meeting people. In a way, I liked who I was with it. I was someone that I wanted to be... but couldn't.
If anything, it's always been a shield for me. I put it up when I'm feeling nervous, or sad. It lets me hide my emotions behind flashy goodness. I mean, I don't even use most of the pictures, they just sit and take up space on my hard drive. Of course, it's different when I'm at an event with friends... then I'm taking pictures to take pictures... but that's a different issue (my photo addiction there is not what I'm talking about).
Recently, however, I definetly feel like I've been gaining more self confidence. Something that I've always worked towards... now seems to have naturally, in the course of events, come to me. Maybe it's a result of being on my own. Maybe it's others' confidence that rubs off on me. In any case, I'm more willing to take risks (although it's still, by no means, easy). I know what I have to do, and I set out to do it. Maybe not immediately, but at least I know I can do it.
Maybe I no longer need a piece of technology to make me feel... like me. I like who I am, who I've become. I believe in myself and what I can do. I'm more willing to assert myself. I'm more willing to take risks. I'm more willing to grin and bear it.
So perhaps... I'm finally feeling truly at ease here. Perhaps, for the first time in my life, I can actually get something accomplished. Maybe, I don't have to hide anymore. Maybe I'm at a point that I can stare my fear in the eyes, and just go for it.
Maybe... I'm not who I always wanted to be... but I'm who I am, and I'm just finally willing to accept that. I don't have to be the best. I don't have to try to be someone I'm not.
Or maybe all of this is shit and I just havn't felt like taking pictures lately? Hmm....
Edit: Whoa... that was incredibly weird. Within a 1 minute period of time, about 40 people on my buddy list signed off. There was a constant stack of sign-off reminders on the right hand side of the screen, which is just starting to shrink below the top of the screen. Weird! Since when does EVERYONE sign off at the exact sazme time? Or is Trillian being stupid again?
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