Saturday August 07, 2004
Class of '05
 College countdown: 14 days.

Today was a lot of fun! Pat went home at 10, got some stuff done, went to lunch with Vicki and David, messed around a bit, came home, got a bit more done, headed out to class of '05 get-together thing. It was great, actually, seeing Kyle Karlson and Amyn again. I'm so full now though... but the brownie and ice cream were so good!!! Yep yep yep. This was my first time driving alone to Chandler mall and back. Sad, no? Eh, whatever, driving is just driving now.

Edit: That kinda brings me to another thing that's bothering me. I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I mean, the class of '05... my class (if I hadn't graduated early).... they're all so different from me. They take risks, do things... I'm not saying it's bad! I mean, it's normal! Teenagers party... experiment with some things... whatever. But me.... I don't feel like I fit in. I don't like parties. I don't want to drink. I don't like being out at night. I'm not interested in the same things, the same music, the same clothes, the same games. I don't understand half the things they do or say... I can't connect to things they're writing about or complaining about. These are people I went through high school with... my friends... but they've all matured.... and I havn't. I'm still living in my little world of innocence and happiness... oblivious to the real world that everyone else lives in. In a way, I feel like I'm a fourteen-year-old stuck in a seventeen-year-old's body. I guess that's why I gravitate toward the class of '06 so much... I mean, three of my closest friends are in that class... I'm pretty much on their mailing list instead of my class'... and Amanda is younger so she ecentially is in that class. But I don't fit in there either. I'm too old... I mean, dammit, I'm heading off to college in 14 days! I'm going to be an adult now! I don't know... but I'm afraid. I feel alienated from pretty much every social group... and I'm forced to form my own little group with the few people who DO understand me. I dunno... I'm afraid it's going to get worse. I mean, right now, I have people younger than me I can hang around... make friends with. People who are the same mental age as me. But next year, I will be the youngest, surrounded by eighteen-year-olds with the minds of eighteen-year-olds. Older than me, more mature than me.... "normal" teenagers. What the hell am I going to do? I'm scared.... I really am. I'm still immature! I'm not ready for this! To be on my own all the time.... make all my own decisions... I'm not ready to grow up, but I have to. ...And that scares me, it really does.

...Why couldn't I be mentally handicapped instead so I get held back a lot and my grade level matches the age I feel?

...I hate this.
Posted at 09:47 PM
7 comment(s)  |  Please leave a comment?

Comments:

Don't worry, man. You'll find your own group at CMU. Come on, it's got one of the best computer schools! You con't possibly think that you won't find people that are unlike you. Anyway, I'd bet that college is alot better in the way of diversity than high school was. Like you said, people are on their own, and they're adults. That changes people, it gives them more of an opportunity to be themselves. I mean, take my sister, for example. Prissy, preppy girl who went to XCP. She leaves for college, and a month later, the first pictures we get are from her hanging 1000 feet up a rack face, rock climbing. All I'm saying is, people change. You'll find your niche.

Posted by: John at August 8, 2004 09:00 AM

the maturity level in high school is quite low. perhaps you are just MORE mature than everyone else? Who knows. don't get down, everyone has their own little quirk or too that makes them special.

Amanda

PS: Last nights get together was quite fun, even though there was that bit of, uh, Trauma? in the middle...*~*

PPS You totally shouldve come to kyle's house. we talked about the, uh, "good ole days"? and we had a lot of fun. you wouldve liked it :-)

Posted by: amanda at August 8, 2004 11:56 AM

dude...."teenagers" scare me. You just traveled in the wrong car. We had more fun in the other car. About college....there are a lot of 14 year olds stuck in the body of 18 or 19 year olds. : P

Posted by: Akshat at August 8, 2004 01:46 PM

Scary? Us? Nah, just cooky. But college is a big place, and there are always the professors to help you out. Most are nice to the new people, and even though they may or may not be evil in the classroom, they are decent people to get to know.

Posted by: The Whiny Teenager (in the form of Josh) at August 8, 2004 03:04 PM

And BTW, we teenagers are -not- scary. And Aukshat, don't even give me that. -You- are a teenager. So are -you- Alan. You know what? Everyone here is. So get over the 'teenager' thing. We're here to stay. That is, until we're 20. All this stuff that 'teenagers' do is really mainly things that scared people do to fit in. I'm the same as you, Alan, (although I may be a bit more assertive at times...). I mean, when I'm out with my freinds, and they start doind something that doesn't sit well with me, I let em know. I've actually gotten out of the car and walked home. You're not alone in this, you just need to find people who you are comfortable around.

Posted by: John at August 8, 2004 04:59 PM

it is A-K-S-H-A-T dammit!!!

Posted by: A-K-S-H-A-T at August 8, 2004 09:19 PM

HAHHAHAHAHA

yes, it is akshat.

hmm......i agree...with..all..of...you?

Amanda

Posted by: amanda at August 9, 2004 05:27 PM


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