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Friday April 02, 2004
Everything is good
For a serious entry today.. I just have to write right now. I'm so at peace with everything right now. With myself, with the world. CMU? If I get in, great. If not, that's okay too. I don't always have to be the best. I don't have to always succeed. I CAN fail. And you know what? No one cares. My parents are still proud of me, even though I didn't get into Berkeley or Stanford. I've still got friends that havn't abandoned me yet. Janel, you rule, especially for everything that's happened in the past three days. Honestly, I guess you could say this entire entry is coming about because of you. Anyway, all is good. I have a crush on someone, but I'm never going to be able to tell. But you know what? That's okay. So what if there's violence in Iraq. So what if Bush is still president? So what if the entire world ends tomorrow? I've got my friends, I've got myself, and that's all that counts. I am comfortable with who I am, and I wouldn't change for the world. I am comfortable with my friends, and who they are, and I wouldn't change them for anything either. I am comfortable with my accomplishments, with these past three years. And who can honestly look back on their high school years and not regret anything? I don't regret coming to PPA. I don't regret losing my old friends that I've had since elementary school. I don't regret any of my hard work, or my decisions. I don't regret all the fighting for our school. I don't regret all the tears. I don't regret all the triumphs. I don't look back and say, "I should have done this better." I don't look back and think that I should have been more involved with extracurriculars, or more active in clubs, or played a sport. I don't regret my actions. College applications? I don't regret a thing. I gave them my all and, if they don't want me, they won't get me. Homework? I don't regret those assignments I didn't put my all into. I don't regret those that I did. I don't regret the things that I bought. The things that I didn't buy. Things that I said. Things that I never did say. People I cared for. People I dispised. People I learned to care for. I guess all this sounds pretty corny and all, but I'm just so at ease right now. It's as if everything is suddenly clear. I can see behind me, and what I've been working at, and in front of me, and what I've been working toward. Even if where I'm going isn't where I saw myself being, it is still right. It's fine. And it's all been worth it, all of it. I've been true to myself. And in the end, that's all that counts.
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